Today is December 1st.
Mom, well, she is doing fine, but this is harder than I thought. The contributing factors.
1. I have Lupus, which means I have good and bad days. This undermines my ability to keep a focused schedule for mom... getting her up at a certain time, fed, etc. I sleep and get her going when I feel like getting her going. Maybe we sleep until 10. Maybe we get up at 7:30.
2. She can be mean. She says mean things to me about men, women, the size of my ass, that Crystal is fat, etc. It's mean. Yesterday she was watching a crime show with me and the victim was very dead, her head was bashed in and she was raped and sodomized. Mom said, how do they know he intended to rape her. Or she says she wants to watch Brian for signs of abuse. Or she brings up her abuse and how awful men are. This is so toxic. It reminds me of how negative she was when I was growing up.
3. Money, if I go anywhere with her she wants all kinds of things, but we don't have the money. It's like disappointing a child.
4. She wakes us up, although less frequently these days, but not getting sleep and worrying about listening for her at the door can be unsettling.
5. It's obvious she can't live alone. She just can't.
6. We try to take her for walks and she doesn't want to go. We don't need the walk, she needs the walk.
7. She still says she has taken pills when she hasn't and it's a fight.
8. She needs breaks from me, and stuff to do.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
October 14
I installed motion lights in the back yard and in the house. When mom gets up and goes toward her door, a motion light will go on. When she heads toward the hall, another one goes on. I also installed a white board with a monthly calendar and notes for her. SO far so good. OK goodnight.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tax day and Macy's day
I had 3 beers last night. I was tense. It was over a three hour period and I wouldn't exactly call it binge behavior, but I am aware that having more than one can lead to eating a lot afterward and I want to get fit, not fatter.
My problem is stress relief. Mom and I had an appointment with the CPA to review past taxes 08 and 09. Mom gets defensive on these things. When the tex person asked if there were any other incomes or expenses aside from what was listed, mom said she had renters. I remember that part of the problem with her renters was that they wouldn't pay for months. I didn't want to argue. I simply stared at her. She went on to say, "I have signed contracts from each of my renters. I can get them." This puts the CPA in a bad situation. We don't want to misrepresent the truth, but we do want to get this over with.
Mom started to warm up to blow a head gasket.
I said to Stephanie, The Franchise Tax Board has her reported income. These are the itemized expenses. There are probably more. However, after losing her house and having a flood in the new place, these are the only records we have available, and we have a short window to get this done.
It was obvious to her that I didn't want a wild goose chase for documents that may not exist. She is weird about saving trash, envelopes, old mail, anything that could possibly be paper. It is hoarder behavior. I have a picture to prove it.
However, mom is a human being. She is kind, funny, articulate, but wicked forgetful and hair triggered.
The CPA drew up power of attorney documents and we went on our way. We came straight home and I made the best oatmeal I have ever had. It was delicious. We ate, rested, and blew off the doggie hair appointment to shop for bras at Macy's.
I zoomed through, found the buy 2 get one free. Tried some on, felt stupid because I always try on too small of bras, then we got help. Lupe, the saleslady told me to try 38 DDs, which look a lot like old fashioned pilot ear warmers. She said the Ds or the DDs would fit.
Mom was all between this size and that, this cup and that, this fabric and that. She must have tried on 30 bras. We got her two "normal" bras in light pastels, then one wild leopard print bras for date night.
I got obnoxiously bright bras because I have tame for too long.
When we got home, we rested, cleaned, rested, cleaned, folded laundry, and somehow got dinner on the table, dinner cleaned up, some down time apart, and some down time together.
It was a good day, and up until about bedtime, I felt pretty good. It's now that I am in pain and having trouble doing basic things like raising my arm to turn off a light. The late night joint pain keeps me up. I can't get comfortable, even though I have the best bed with the softest, spongiest mattress.
If it isn't my mind, it's my mind and joints. I am worried about mom being alone tomorrow. She has stitches in her foot and needs supervision. OK, goodnight. I did a good job as a human being today.
J
My problem is stress relief. Mom and I had an appointment with the CPA to review past taxes 08 and 09. Mom gets defensive on these things. When the tex person asked if there were any other incomes or expenses aside from what was listed, mom said she had renters. I remember that part of the problem with her renters was that they wouldn't pay for months. I didn't want to argue. I simply stared at her. She went on to say, "I have signed contracts from each of my renters. I can get them." This puts the CPA in a bad situation. We don't want to misrepresent the truth, but we do want to get this over with.
Mom started to warm up to blow a head gasket.
I said to Stephanie, The Franchise Tax Board has her reported income. These are the itemized expenses. There are probably more. However, after losing her house and having a flood in the new place, these are the only records we have available, and we have a short window to get this done.
It was obvious to her that I didn't want a wild goose chase for documents that may not exist. She is weird about saving trash, envelopes, old mail, anything that could possibly be paper. It is hoarder behavior. I have a picture to prove it.
However, mom is a human being. She is kind, funny, articulate, but wicked forgetful and hair triggered.
The CPA drew up power of attorney documents and we went on our way. We came straight home and I made the best oatmeal I have ever had. It was delicious. We ate, rested, and blew off the doggie hair appointment to shop for bras at Macy's.
I zoomed through, found the buy 2 get one free. Tried some on, felt stupid because I always try on too small of bras, then we got help. Lupe, the saleslady told me to try 38 DDs, which look a lot like old fashioned pilot ear warmers. She said the Ds or the DDs would fit.
Mom was all between this size and that, this cup and that, this fabric and that. She must have tried on 30 bras. We got her two "normal" bras in light pastels, then one wild leopard print bras for date night.
I got obnoxiously bright bras because I have tame for too long.
When we got home, we rested, cleaned, rested, cleaned, folded laundry, and somehow got dinner on the table, dinner cleaned up, some down time apart, and some down time together.
It was a good day, and up until about bedtime, I felt pretty good. It's now that I am in pain and having trouble doing basic things like raising my arm to turn off a light. The late night joint pain keeps me up. I can't get comfortable, even though I have the best bed with the softest, spongiest mattress.
If it isn't my mind, it's my mind and joints. I am worried about mom being alone tomorrow. She has stitches in her foot and needs supervision. OK, goodnight. I did a good job as a human being today.
J
Monday, September 17, 2012
Can't sleep
Mom seems to be better, but in new situations, like getting a pedicure, she lies. I showed the ladies pictures of what happened to her foot. Immediately afterward she tried to explain that she cut the bottom.
She cut the top.
She is in and out. Last week she told this guy she used to run a restaurant. She was a waitress. The umbrage she shows others is colored in distain. As if they are all idiots.
I don't know what is going to set her off, but redirecting toward humor seems to help.
She is lost in a maze, but everyone else sees it as a labyrinth.
She cut the top.
She is in and out. Last week she told this guy she used to run a restaurant. She was a waitress. The umbrage she shows others is colored in distain. As if they are all idiots.
I don't know what is going to set her off, but redirecting toward humor seems to help.
She is lost in a maze, but everyone else sees it as a labyrinth.
quarter Jesus
Mom tried out for quarter Jesus. Only one foot has the stigmata, the other needs a pedicure.
A knife abandoned the counter and dove into her foot.
An artery, a shooting star, a pulse of life beating live into red.
Her blood spilled and clotted. Gouts of red berries clotted over the floor.
Her shoe filled with blood. The blood clotted into mice.
The doctor filled the wound with lidocaine and something to congeal the pulse of fire.
Did you know that all wounds eventually stop.
Mom's took 3 stitches.
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Is it wrong to play "This piggy went to market" on her little bloody feet?
This little piggy went home.
This little piggy had knife throwing lessons.
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy bled wee, wee, wee, wee
All the way home.
A knife abandoned the counter and dove into her foot.
An artery, a shooting star, a pulse of life beating live into red.
Her blood spilled and clotted. Gouts of red berries clotted over the floor.
Her shoe filled with blood. The blood clotted into mice.
The doctor filled the wound with lidocaine and something to congeal the pulse of fire.
Did you know that all wounds eventually stop.
Mom's took 3 stitches.
.jpg)
Is it wrong to play "This piggy went to market" on her little bloody feet?
This little piggy went home.
This little piggy had knife throwing lessons.
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy bled wee, wee, wee, wee
All the way home.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
EYE Surgery
Tomorrow at 7:45 mom reports to the surgery center. It is just a routine cataract surgery. It's no big deal. The last one went well except she was disoriented before surgery so I had to stay with her in the hall before they wheeled her in.
She's gonna need drops, like last time, for 3 weeks. She'll be staying with me for the duration.
Fortunately, Ray has done the handiwork to make her a room. Brian has moved up a lot of her stuff, and we are trying to have fun each day, but already, I seem to annoy her.
It's easy to annoy her when she is tired. We are all that way. She just seems like she has good days and bad days.
On Tuesday or Wednesday morning, she and I, her two dogs, her partially feral cat, and whatever we can fit in the BMW, are driving to my house. The problem is the heat is stuck in the on position. Ray checked each of the fuses, it wasn't a fuse, and still, it is damn hot. The top can't be put down without fear that the dogs will escape. I bought two small, soft sided coolers to fill with water and some snacks. She has a freezer of food, but there is no way it would last the 300 mile drive. My husband suggested I wait until 3:00 am to beat the traffic and the heat.
It's gonna suck.
The other part that sucks is... I lost my wallet, credit cards, identification,etc. Mom lost her license too, and her tags are out of date. OMG, I get the message to slow down!
I just took mom to dinner. She's watching TV and resting. Maybe we'll walk the dog later and do something for fun before the end of the night. I am thinking ice cream. I am going to get fat on the "take care of mom" diet.
Update, after surgery mom decided we had to go find food. We went to Fat Cats. She lied to the staff about owning a restaurant. It is so natural for her to lie, it's effortless. She went on and on about the timing of what came out, as if a burger joint is a 5 star experience. I took her to See Canyon, after she wanted ice cream. Sometimes she is like a child.
We went to the Madonna Inn and ordered 2 fudge sundaes. Her ice cream was melted. She went postal. It was awful.
She's gonna need drops, like last time, for 3 weeks. She'll be staying with me for the duration.
Fortunately, Ray has done the handiwork to make her a room. Brian has moved up a lot of her stuff, and we are trying to have fun each day, but already, I seem to annoy her.
It's easy to annoy her when she is tired. We are all that way. She just seems like she has good days and bad days.
On Tuesday or Wednesday morning, she and I, her two dogs, her partially feral cat, and whatever we can fit in the BMW, are driving to my house. The problem is the heat is stuck in the on position. Ray checked each of the fuses, it wasn't a fuse, and still, it is damn hot. The top can't be put down without fear that the dogs will escape. I bought two small, soft sided coolers to fill with water and some snacks. She has a freezer of food, but there is no way it would last the 300 mile drive. My husband suggested I wait until 3:00 am to beat the traffic and the heat.
It's gonna suck.
The other part that sucks is... I lost my wallet, credit cards, identification,etc. Mom lost her license too, and her tags are out of date. OMG, I get the message to slow down!
I just took mom to dinner. She's watching TV and resting. Maybe we'll walk the dog later and do something for fun before the end of the night. I am thinking ice cream. I am going to get fat on the "take care of mom" diet.
Update, after surgery mom decided we had to go find food. We went to Fat Cats. She lied to the staff about owning a restaurant. It is so natural for her to lie, it's effortless. She went on and on about the timing of what came out, as if a burger joint is a 5 star experience. I took her to See Canyon, after she wanted ice cream. Sometimes she is like a child.
We went to the Madonna Inn and ordered 2 fudge sundaes. Her ice cream was melted. She went postal. It was awful.
Cords
There are umbilical cords, musical chords, and even Cordon Blue, but the cords that are bothering mom tonight belong to the television. She has this whole new neurotic riff on the vulnerability of her dogs' lives and cords.
It started with the windows. She has had a beach house for quite some time, and until recently, she wanted to put more windows in and widen the view. Then this new riff started. She has to make sure every cord of every blind is knotted at the top of the window, and she prefers each blind closed tight and dark like a fist. before leaving, she checks every window, every cord, knotts and lift anything that might dangle near the throat of her elderly dogs.
She enters the bathroom and closes the door tight, making sure the dogs cannot enter and become trapped.
She goes to each electrical outlet and unplugs appliances. She unplugs the large TV and hides the cords. She unplugs the small tv and hides the cords. If I leave something like a computer cord out, she will hide it and it will be very hard to find. Her rituals are predictable and time consuming. Upon return, she doesn't remember why things are unplugged. It is always a mystery.
Often, when she is here, nothing works when she wants it. The television, the computer, the other television; things are silent.
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Everything is unplugged or the extension cords area hidden somewhere. The dogs sleep or scratch their fleas. They are fat, old, lazy, and used to sitting with her in her three dog chair. One is an ugly, yoda-like mutt the size of a small chihuahua. The other is a fat, fluffy cockapoo who could impersonate a white Raggedy-Anne. These are not bouncy dogs. They bark and bark, but they are not very active, except for the respectable dog behavior of scratching of fleas.
I wonder what will happen at my house. I wonder what thing she will leave done or undone, hidden or sabotaged. So far, I have lost my glasses for 4 days, then found them in her purse. I have found Brian's glasses in her purse too. She has taken hats and blankets too. Recently, she left the hose on for hours, flooding water into the street, and has let the dogs in when the rabbit was in the house, even though her dogs could kill her. She also rarely showers. It takes about 4 days for her to get the idea of showering. It's truly odd to watch her go from being herself, to being an angry car passenger, to being talkative to strangers, then to not remembering where she is, and back again.
There are heart cords and the cords that bind. Sometimes the cords unwind.
It started with the windows. She has had a beach house for quite some time, and until recently, she wanted to put more windows in and widen the view. Then this new riff started. She has to make sure every cord of every blind is knotted at the top of the window, and she prefers each blind closed tight and dark like a fist. before leaving, she checks every window, every cord, knotts and lift anything that might dangle near the throat of her elderly dogs.
She enters the bathroom and closes the door tight, making sure the dogs cannot enter and become trapped.
She goes to each electrical outlet and unplugs appliances. She unplugs the large TV and hides the cords. She unplugs the small tv and hides the cords. If I leave something like a computer cord out, she will hide it and it will be very hard to find. Her rituals are predictable and time consuming. Upon return, she doesn't remember why things are unplugged. It is always a mystery.
Often, when she is here, nothing works when she wants it. The television, the computer, the other television; things are silent.
.jpg)
I wonder what will happen at my house. I wonder what thing she will leave done or undone, hidden or sabotaged. So far, I have lost my glasses for 4 days, then found them in her purse. I have found Brian's glasses in her purse too. She has taken hats and blankets too. Recently, she left the hose on for hours, flooding water into the street, and has let the dogs in when the rabbit was in the house, even though her dogs could kill her. She also rarely showers. It takes about 4 days for her to get the idea of showering. It's truly odd to watch her go from being herself, to being an angry car passenger, to being talkative to strangers, then to not remembering where she is, and back again.
There are heart cords and the cords that bind. Sometimes the cords unwind.
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