Today is December 1st.
Mom, well, she is doing fine, but this is harder than I thought. The contributing factors.
1. I have Lupus, which means I have good and bad days. This undermines my ability to keep a focused schedule for mom... getting her up at a certain time, fed, etc. I sleep and get her going when I feel like getting her going. Maybe we sleep until 10. Maybe we get up at 7:30.
2. She can be mean. She says mean things to me about men, women, the size of my ass, that Crystal is fat, etc. It's mean. Yesterday she was watching a crime show with me and the victim was very dead, her head was bashed in and she was raped and sodomized. Mom said, how do they know he intended to rape her. Or she says she wants to watch Brian for signs of abuse. Or she brings up her abuse and how awful men are. This is so toxic. It reminds me of how negative she was when I was growing up.
3. Money, if I go anywhere with her she wants all kinds of things, but we don't have the money. It's like disappointing a child.
4. She wakes us up, although less frequently these days, but not getting sleep and worrying about listening for her at the door can be unsettling.
5. It's obvious she can't live alone. She just can't.
6. We try to take her for walks and she doesn't want to go. We don't need the walk, she needs the walk.
7. She still says she has taken pills when she hasn't and it's a fight.
8. She needs breaks from me, and stuff to do.
